


Dancing with tears in my eyes

by vanjie_love



Series: One Shots [11]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:15:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanjie_love/pseuds/vanjie_love
Summary: This is a other one of my very first songfics.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Series: One Shots [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1487747
Kudos: 4





	Dancing with tears in my eyes

_Here we go_   
_Welcome to my funeral_   
_Without you I don't even have a pulse_   
_All alone it's dark and cold_   
_With every move I die_

Another tour. 11 shows. 14 days. With him. Jose. Vanessa. Had to call him Vanessa around everyone else. This tour will probably be the death of me. Every time he looks at me, I’ll die a little more inside. This is our second tour together. 14 days. It might as well be 14 months. I had to suck it up, and put a smile on. It will be easier for everyone involved. Plus, half of me is excited to see him, but the other half can’t help but think that this time last year, we were together. Together and happy, and now, every time he’s near, I feel myself die a little. 

_Here I go_   
_This is my confessional_   
_A lost cause nobody can save my soul_   
_I am so delusional_   
_With every move I die_

I think about the relationship we had often, even more so when Jose is standing right in front of me. Watching the way he interacts with fans. Watching the way he moves his body on stage. The pure fucking joy in his eyes. It’s no wonder I messed this up. I will never find anyone who loves me like Jose. I don’t deserved to be loved the way that he loves me.

After the shows, we always go out. As fans swarm us, I give my brightest smile. My perfect Brooke Lynn Hytes is flawless smile. But my eyes still travel to Jose. I love watching him with fans. They love him so much. They think he walks on water. Maybe because he does.

“Sis, you’re staring again.” A voice brings me back. Detox. “When are you going to tell her?”

“Tell her what?” mock confusion in my voice, knowing exactly what she was meaning.

“That you still love her, fuck head.” Detox rolled her eyes.

“I don’t.” I said, much quieter now.

“Yes you do. I can tell.”

“How?!”

“You look at her like she’s your oxygen.” Detox said this simply. I just rolled my eyes at her, and they landed back on Vanessa.

Detox shook her head and walked away. We all piled into the club, got drinks, and started to dance. Yes. This is what I came here for. Almost instantaneously, a guy was dancing up on Vanessa, and she was letting him. They were swaying with the beat.

I need another drink.

_I have destroyed our love,_   
_it’s gone_   
_Payback is sick_   
_It's all my fault_

The dancing continued. The guys hands placed on Vanessa’s hips made my stomach turn. The closeness of their bodies made me angry.

I did this.

I let this happen.

I couldn’t get my head out of my ass and accept that it was okay for me to love one person. Now, some random guy is all up on my….well my Vanessa. My Vanessa.

No, Vanessa isn’t mine anymore.

I danced with Nina and Detox. Still stealing glances at Vanessa, much to Detox’s disapproval.

I happened to look back just as Vanessa’s dance partner planted a kiss on her shoulder. She leaned into it.

_I'm dancing with tears in my eyes_   
_Just fighting to get through the night_

The tears pooled at the corners of my eyes. I push through it, determined to continue dancing with my sisters.

_I'm losing it_   
_With every move I die_

I tried to keep my eyes forward, with my back to Vanessa and her dancer. Tried. Every time I tried to turn my head towards her, my whole body longed to be the one pressing up against her.

_I'm faded_   
_I'm broken inside_

She doesn’t know what this is doing to me. She doesn’t know how I’ve taken the break up. I put on a smile, but I am an empty shell.

_I've wasted the love of my life_

Vanessa was the love of my life. Vanessa was the light in my darkness. Vanessa gave me purpose. Vanessa was the best thing to ever happen to me.

_I'm losing it_   
_With every move I die_

Vanessa _was_.


End file.
